Trouble

I wanted to find a place by the sea where I could sleep on lavenders,
Where the starlit sky and constellation would take up all the time.
I ll keep aside my cellphone in a jar and pour out my heart full of wine.
I have always wanted to be the muse.
The muse to your poetry or songs or anything that made sense,I wanted to breathe in between the lines you wrote.
I still long for the letters unwritten or written to just get saved in the draft box.
I wished for a petal and your handkerchief that reeked of love and innocence.

The streetlights and asphalt,
The pink sun and bubble wraps
The ice cream sticks and yellow wisps of smoke,
Your smile and everything else
Its all that I wanted when the daffodils were dead.. because honey you are the trouble that had me.
The trouble more like wind or waves lashing against my feet,
The trouble like my sinking legs and the sand.

Rewinding my old clock

Its strange how you left, remains as a faded memory and the person you leave for specific reasons keep talking to you without even talking..

The hard part is remembrance.
The weird part is I was nothing but yet was something to him,lately.
Time,
A bitch.
Im always late and this time too..
But this being late saved me. Probably it's better to remain far away and miss than get close and get ruined.

'Kabira'

Freud said that there are different interpretations of a dream. Its been a while that I hardly remember my dreams but there are such rare times when some dreams just carve scars minutely so that it stays and STAYS for years or so.
But this dream is much like a film sequence.

So it was a nap dream about a past figure who appeared in his weirdest way in this dream. It was a construction site later and before that a coffee shop or some kind of a shop with old green coloured checkered table cloths spread over tables and smooth timber chairs to make it look like a 'place-where-we-come-to-eat'.There was an old man sitting right beside me but it took 5 mins for that face to change into 'someone-I-knew' when I looked at him.
I remember pulling his cheeks and nagging about 'Why don't we talk anymore which ended up with a sorry for no reason'(as usual).I even remember his quirky smile and the cuddle before he gave me his plate full of chicken or something to eat.Hah! I ate that shamelessly.!!
The construction site came into the scene without any context and it's pretty dreamy weird. I saw us sitting on the edge of somewhere of that site and a fat old man climbing down the rods with a bottle in his hand trying to turn his head hard to look at us. We were having tea I suppose and there was 1 feet gap between me and him in the way we were seated. The man asked us once  "What are you doing here?"
I remember us smiling only or just not paying attention and suddenly a woman drops in who too somehow was there I suppose.
The man after a while asked all of a sudden " What is he like to you?or what are you guys"?(in bengali) ( 'O tomar ke hoy')
I remember this part so vividly..
I smiled again and said "We don't know what ARE we" (Amra ki theek janina.. amra erom e aachi).
We both looked at each other then and smiled.
The woman  who was standing there in a peaceful way added .. "I understood that" (with a smile like a goddess).
Its still so vivid..that I want to see her face again,want to hold her and cry for a moment without reasoning.

I remember after that getting up to leave and he remained there ,seated..turned to see me with a look 'One-last-time-same-as-before'..
While leaving I saw a familiar face looking at me and leaving hurriedly..I don't know who's face was it,but all I remember was that I heard somewhere far away from our place a track being played..a faded tune

'Kaaisi teri khud garzi naa dhoop chuney naa chhao,
...
Kabira,maan ja'..

Probably this means nothing,probably for one last time deep inside I wished for a dream telepathic situation.
Or for one last time I sensed an ending without a goodbye..